"Who cares? Not me!" And I shed a grease tear

Challenge #6: 
1. Acquire Log, roughly torso size and no less than 15lbs.

2. Acquire 137 pennies.

3. With pennies in pockets, carry log on a three mile jog, preferably through untamed forest. Do not lose any pennies or you have to start over.

4. Crawl with log 220 yards. If your belly leaves the ground, start over. You can be creative here, such as tying a belt to the log to drag it. Belts may come in handy in the real race as well.

5. Find a Olympic or junior Olympic pool. Adorn log with zinc oxide, shades, whistle, and "I'm With Stupid" t-shirt and set at the end of your lane.

6. swim 30 lengths and dive for 137 pennies

‎7. Return home with log. At each staircase you encounter, put your feet on the third step, your hands below that on a landing and crank out ten push-ups--then compose two lines of poetry that rhyme on a pad of paper you have with you. I...f there are no stairs, compose at least twelve lines of rhyming poetry. Must be original.

8. Aggressively build large fort out of couch cushions and all of the bedding that you own.

9. Install log in couch fort, removing his lifeguard accouterments.

10. Prepare and consume 7 Eggo waffles and an entire package of center-cut bacon.

11. Memorize and repeat your poem for someone as they check for accuracy against your poem paper. Each error will cost you 25 push-ups, and you can't try the recitation again until those are complete.

12. Wake up log. Return him to where you found him. Bespeak fond words to him as you bid this loyal companion farewell.

13. Spend all of the 1.37 without going over or under, without donating to that little tray of pennies or saying"keep the change". Consume completely or completely destroy whatever you buy. That doesn't mean break it into smaller pieces--it means completely destroy. On the ashes to ashes level. Turning food into poo counts. So does burning. You are also free to haggle about the 1.37 but not with anyone you know.

14. Return to base.

15. Eat 7 Eggo waffles.

Complete!

The Poem says it all:

This morning I went for a jog.

A jog through a bog with a log.

This morning I went for a crawl.

A crawl in a squall near East Mall.

My logs still stand!
One big happy log family!

30 lengths in the pool,

my log dressed a'fool.

I dove to the bottom

for change not forgotten,

and surfaced with many a jewel.

Stupid with 'life guard log'

10 push ups feet on 3rd stair

Back home warm and dry 

I let out a sigh

"Its time to build a fort,"

I inform my cohort.

And we piled pillows sky-high.

Log and I in our fort reading the Bible

"Breakfast is here,"

I say with a cheer!

7 waffles to start,

Is bacon bad for the heart?

"Who cares? Not me!" And I shed a grease tear.

7 Eggo waffles and a package of bacon

Soon this will come to an end

I'll have to say 'farewell my wood friend.

For I'm off to the shop

to buy a gumdrop,

with only a dollar thirty seven to spend.

  

Mango - $1.37.  Consumed and 'destroyed'

Thank you Chris Cox for this challenge!
Give me YOUR best shot:  ahaas008@gmail.com